THE AMUSED LIFE BLOG

My name is Anna and I live with and manage anxiety based depression. I have probably dealt with symptoms of it since I was 16 years old or from what I can remember. Sadly my memory is often spotty throughout my life. I find that a lot of that spottiness is around traumatic events that I have experienced. Sometimes it's related to increased symptoms of my illness or a "flare up" of the kind that causes the anxiety or depression or both to get to a level that I can manage. At this time in my life I find myself in a few existential quandries that make me feel like I am a huge ball of yarn completely tangled up so perhaps this year is where I begin trying to unravel the tangled mess that is me.  I've struggled my entire life with never feeling "good enough" and sometimes I'm unsure if that feeling is tied in tightly to my illness or just an additional learned script I have running through my brain. I've tied that feeling frequently to people's...

I love bread. Carbs are, in fact, my favorite food group. Beyond that, I believe in body-positivity and health-at-any-size. I don't want anyone in this world to buy into weight loss/exercise obsessions because they feel pressure from any external sources including family, friends, media, society and beyond. So understand that my decision to make some personal changes in my life is in no way because I feel un-loved, under-valued or most of all un-desirable. I love myself most days and the days that I'm angry or sad with myself are built around mental health struggles with depression and anxiety and are actually in no-way related to my feelings about my appearance or my sense of self worth. Alas, I'm 46 as I type this. My mother passed away suddenly at the young age of 58 for reasons I cannot 100% confirm because we didn't have an autopsy (a decision I wish now we had pursued), for multiple reasons.  I'm making some decisions to just focus on reducing my body size a b...

It's a routine I've known for at least 30 years. I know it like I know the feel of each bump on my skin as I rub my arms. A familiar 8 count of part self-flagellation, part-curiosity it's a dance I do in the wee hours of the morning when my mind is still running around like a kid on pixie sticks at a birthday party rental at the dance studio. I point my toes and leap, deep diving into the familiar dance routine and steps...search google, look up "XYZ" and just tap dance through posts to see how life is treating them.  It's when you stumble trying to remember dance steps that you did when you were in your twenties that you realize you're getting too old. The bones hit the floor harder these days and when you come across a post dated 2015 where you are referenced as a "much-needed and much-desired divorce", you realize that the old wounds from your early years still throb a bit every now and then. Mind you, I wasn't completely floored by that ...

If this 2020 taught me anything, it's that what happens in my four walls are 1001% my responsibility. I've allowed overworking and over-engaging in distractions to keep me from participating in some small way from bringing the holidays into my home. I mean we do the traditional food basics on the high-holy-holidays of Thanksgiving and such; but no decoration. No specific traditions. Something that I realize now was a gift my mother gave me as a child. What I mean by that is, the creation of household traditions and decorating for a holiday gave this growing girl a sense of wonder. Holidays were extra special because the person I loved so much made them special. The traditions were steeped in family and home. The sense of love was so real and now reflecting on everything I and others have survived in this year, it's time for me to forge some beloved traditions of my own.  I think I didn't do this sooner because I've been silently grieving the reality that having a ch...

I woke up today very early. My significant other and I have a young puppy so that's part of the life at this time. Disturbed sleep. I woke up and just thought well, it's Thanksgiving, let's just be thankful today. I was in a good frame of mind. I had made the decision to just be present today as much as possible. But...in the wee small hours of the morning my always present depression and anxiety had other plans. I went to message a friend of mine. I connect a lot on Facebook so I went into messenger to just let her know I was thinking about her and I couldn't find her. At first I didn't worry, I figured that she and I were both struggling with the election stress and maybe she just went dark for a bit. I get that. I understand taking the mental health break if need be. Alas, she didn't just go dark.  Upon investigation I came to understand that I had a friend in real life that I care about deeply. I would try hard to check on her and send Erik over with various...

I'm taking some time just to be me for me as I keep evolving into a hopefully better and better version of me.  Not to entertain but to just get my projects promised this year but not yet accomplished because of my accident, my covid and instead take time to catch up.  To move all my posts from my former blog to this blog.  Just to get my world ready to hopefully go very mindfully and intentionally into 2021.  With that...there will be no new episodes of AUTHENTICALLY YOU until 2021 as I have some great interviews lined up in December and will debut them in the brand new year. No I don't think new years are magical panaceas but they do allow you to set intentions and try to hit those intentions. I just want to take this time to reflect on what went well this past year, what I'd like to see change and how I can see more of my friends while still being safe. It's been one helluva year y'all. One that's changed all of us in ways we can't fully explain. In some ...

aka Carbs Glorious Carbs A week or so ago I was up early for work or perhaps it was my day off...either way I stumbled upon Good Morning America which I rarely if ever watch. Just not a morning show person, hell I'm not a morning person. However this show featured some pretty awesome STEALS AND DEALS (apparently they do this often); and there was one deal that I could not resist.  Having moved to the South in 2001, I frequently miss some of the flavors and sensibilities of my northern upbringing. Growing up in Pennsylvania just 75 minutes outside of New York City gave you such a perspective on food and flavors and thankfully Mom and Pop culinary delights often found everywhere you go up there. I also grew up with a fondness for BREAD. You know, crusty on the outside soft on the inside goodness? You know, slather it with butter goodness? B-R-E-A-D. The thing that as we age we're not supposed to eat because it turns us doughy. Oh well, when they aired this deal I was in...hook, ...

No matter the results... I denounce white supremacy. I value science. I think there is no place in our hearts for homophobia. I think transphobia is deplorable. I think income inequality is just shameful. I think our military are beyond honorable. I think our prisioners of war should be held in honor. I believe in thinking people who don't just follow in lock step with anyone. I believe that facts are more important than rhetoric. I think that abelism is beyond limiting and uncalled for. I believe in choice . I don’t believe in abortion as birth control. I do believe in responsible birth control options and access to these. I find bullies abhorrent.  I find education and critical thinking valuable.  I think racism is horrific.  I think sizism is just mean. I think agism is so shortsighted.  I think women should be whatever they want to be without the pressure of anyone deciding that. I cannot stand cults of personality. I cannot 100% stand behind any human being who ...

Each Sunday, I am going to put to use my Master's in Pastoral Counseling and Divinity to good use and actually open myself up to helping others who just want either one of the things I am good at. Reading Tarot (I'll get to your judgement on this in a second), and Prayer. Now before you get all high and mighty on me. Yes, I have my roots planted firmly in my Lutheran upbringing as the parables and storyline I connect with most as a human in my faith. However to say I'm 100% Lutheran is inaccurate. In every way, I am truly more Unitarian Universalist and that knowledge came from my years of learning in a Catholic-Founded graduate school known as LaSalle University.  In my first class towards my master's degree, I remember stepping outside and calling my mother on break. "Mom, I'm not okay and I don't like this."  What's wrong? "Well they want you to actually really think about your faith in this class, like break it down and understand what...

Plasma. No, not a character from Star Wars. The plasma that exists inside our bodies...or more specifically our blood. For those unfamiliar, let me give you some more details. " What is Plasma  in Blood?  Plasma  is the liquid portion of blood. About 55%  of our  blood is  plasma , and the remaining 45% are red blood cells, white blood cells and platelets that are suspended  in the plasma .  Plasma  is about 92% water." 1 2 It's the part of our bodies that doesn't require a black market to sell, because there are options to sell it legally in plasma centers probably in every major and minor city in America. In fact you can make a decent amount of "not so quick cash" in your first few donations where afterwards the price does go down for what you exchange. Is it blood money? I mean in a roundabout way yes.  You go into a plasma center, you read about all the potential restrictions and the potential risks of donating. You learn why your pl...

FIRST TIME RECIPE ATTEMPTS FOR THIS WEEK: Cheesy Spinach Pesto Flatbread   *****out of 5 Stars! Ina Garten's Baked Shrimp Scampi    *****out of 5 Stars! I've decided to make this more of an open format blog adventure and not feel like I have to "fail" anything per se. So instead I'll focus on the week of culinary adventures in my household. First of all, the two recipes I picked out to try were knock out of the ballpark AMAZING (links are above to the recipes). Seriously, they both were just sensational and the shrimp scampi was even better on day 2. However a word of, ahem...warning. Look, I'm just going to be real. I've been cooking A LOT lately. I've also discovered how much I use garlic in the meals I cook. I LOVE GARLIC. However...if you eat a LOT of garlic (as I have been doing)...your ahem, smelly bits may begin to smell like...GARLIC. Seriously, I was starting to worry that the garlic smell was just imbedded in the air, then I realized it was l...

Originally written for and published in Elephant Journal 12/24/15.  I’ve worn only black pants since age 22. Seriously. Black. Friggin’. Pants. No jeans. No noisy corduroys. No fun colorful or patterned stretchy leggings. Black pants. All because I’m in a completely consuming relationship. He’s everything I want and he’s always there when I need him. He’s socially acceptable and gets along with almost everyone. Frankly, most people fall in love with him upon first meeting him. He’s irresistible! I can take the parents and friends to meet him. He makes me smile and lust after him no matter if he’s heated or ice cold—I still want him just as bad. In fact, he slides inside me with such familiarity that I ache when he crosses my lips. It’s that knowing ache. I know I’ll be satisfied. He knows me. He wants to please me. He can be bad and he’s still good. He’s pizza and I have been in an all consuming relationship with him since the age of eight. Perhaps you’ve been in love too? It’s tha...

I'm Anna. Pronounced Ahhhhnah. I am an American woman. With a naturalized citizen, born German Father and an American-born and raised Mother. I have a Master’s Degree in Clinical-Counseling Psychology from LaSalle University with an emphasis in grief and loss, pastoral counseling/religion and human sexuality. Before that, I got my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Women’s Studies from East Stroudsburg University, and am a proud high school graduate of Easton Area High School (Go Red Rovers!). I’m a Fur Momma only and that is okay. But in the end, I’m just a girl with some ideas who appears to be foolish enough to try to make them realities. I’m flawed in lots of ways. However, I’m also fabulous at the same time and I work hard and learn a lot along life’s journey. Life is a work in progress and I embody that and I am proud of it. I’m a dancer, an amateur cook, a lover, a teacher, a music buff, a film fanatic, a pop-culture vulture, an existentialist, a dreamer and I tend to be fu...