THE AMUSED LIFE BLOG

I'm not sure I understand why we do this to each other...as adults. In so many ways, it feels like we are just grown ups who never outgrew high school.  I have been jealous of others and that jealousy has lead me at times to make moves to guard my own heart because I definitely have fomo (fear of missing out), anxiety, depression, abandonment issues and the feeling that no matter what I do, I will NEVER ever be good enough and in full honesty, I have been guilty of blocking people who have hurt me and people involved in certain things that trigger me because at times I have to look at certain parts of my life like they were addictions or toxic relationships.  I have to accept that no matter what, there are going to be a large and sometimes very visible/vocal group of people who rather than work through things with me person to person and come to an understanding or workable position would rather just make me out to be a bad person. Maybe I'm delusional thinking that I'm act

  05/03/21 This week's Musical Monday is dedicated to something I think is beneficial for everyone at least once in their lives. Therapy. I am actively trying to figure out what my brain needs right now as either the after effects of covid or the year of self-isolating or the years of self-sabotaging are just wearing me down to where the happy pills aren't as effective as they once were. So back to the drawing board...sometimes you have to keep working at the work in progress you are. Here's a curated sampling of music that is meaningful to those needing to seek that support. Enjoy! https://music.amazon.com/user-playlists/380e808000714d60af964ca4378e16f2sune?ref=dm_sh_8e3a-9204-fdfa-c8ba-5f4f2

My name is Anna and I live with and manage anxiety based depression. I have probably dealt with symptoms of it since I was 16 years old or from what I can remember. Sadly my memory is often spotty throughout my life. I find that a lot of that spottiness is around traumatic events that I have experienced. Sometimes it's related to increased symptoms of my illness or a "flare up" of the kind that causes the anxiety or depression or both to get to a level that I can manage. At this time in my life I find myself in a few existential quandries that make me feel like I am a huge ball of yarn completely tangled up so perhaps this year is where I begin trying to unravel the tangled mess that is me.  I've struggled my entire life with never feeling "good enough" and sometimes I'm unsure if that feeling is tied in tightly to my illness or just an additional learned script I have running through my brain. I've tied that feeling frequently to people's