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A Gradual Journey Begins with the First Few Steps

I love bread. Carbs are, in fact, my favorite food group. Beyond that, I believe in body-positivity and health-at-any-size. I don't want anyone in this world to buy into weight loss/exercise obsessions because they feel pressure from any external sources including family, friends, media, society and beyond. So understand that my decision to make some personal changes in my life is in no way because I feel un-loved, under-valued or most of all un-desirable. I love myself most days and the days that I'm angry or sad with myself are built around mental health struggles with depression and anxiety and are actually in no-way related to my feelings about my appearance or my sense of self worth. Alas, I'm 46 as I type this. My mother passed away suddenly at the young age of 58 for reasons I cannot 100% confirm because we didn't have an autopsy (a decision I wish now we had pursued), for multiple reasons. 

I'm making some decisions to just focus on reducing my body size a bit so that I have more freedom, stamina and strength to pursue more consistent and desired activities that I love. I admit that carrying around 365 pounds of vibrancy, life and body weight has as I've aged made some mobility desires a little more stressful. I've been anywhere from 250-365 most of my adult life and it's mostly never held me back from doing things I wanted to do. Sometimes it would keep me from being able to ride some thrill rides which always made my heart sink because I love being able to enjoy every ride I want to take on at an amusement park. I've also discovered stress when I have tried some times to buckle the honestly small-sized seatbelts on an airplane. However these aren't the main reasons I want to make changes. They are added bonuses. For me, it's about hedging my bets on my own future, my own ability to pursue all the things that make me smile and feel alive and most importantly to outlive the expiration date the my Mother had. 

Do I know that I have a perfect solution ahead? Nope. Do I know that these changes will assure me these goals? Nope. But, these changes make sense to me in my head and heart. It's not going to be easy and I'm not going to do this perfectly. I have no desire to do this perfectly because I love food. Food is one of life's pure joys and if one day I would love to indulge in a french baguette I will make the calculated decision to indulge in that crusty and chewy carb-loaded heaven. However I can't argue that giving my body some intentional decisions to improve it's functioning and upgrading my processing systems inside isn't going to allow me to enjoy the things I love most even more. So a change, both gradual and seen as a long journey have begun for me. It's about making intentional decisions along the way, being mindful and most of all being kind to myself along the way.  

I appreciate your reading, your support and your encouragement along the way. Haters...don't even bother. 


In ✌🏻, ❤️ and 🙏🏻- ANNA


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