THE AMUSED LIFE BLOG

I'm not sure I understand why we do this to each other...as adults. In so many ways, it feels like we are just grown ups who never outgrew high school.  I have been jealous of others and that jealousy has lead me at times to make moves to guard my own heart because I definitely have fomo (fear of missing out), anxiety, depression, abandonment issues and the feeling that no matter what I do, I will NEVER ever be good enough and in full honesty, I have been guilty of blocking people who have hurt me and people involved in certain things that trigger me because at times I have to look at certain parts of my life like they were addictions or toxic relationships.  I have to accept that no matter what, there are going to be a large and sometimes very visible/vocal group of people who rather than work through things with me person to person and come to an understanding or workable position would rather just make me out to be a bad person. Maybe I'm delusional thinking that I'm act...

I woke up today very early. My significant other and I have a young puppy so that's part of the life at this time. Disturbed sleep. I woke up and just thought well, it's Thanksgiving, let's just be thankful today. I was in a good frame of mind. I had made the decision to just be present today as much as possible. But...in the wee small hours of the morning my always present depression and anxiety had other plans. I went to message a friend of mine. I connect a lot on Facebook so I went into messenger to just let her know I was thinking about her and I couldn't find her. At first I didn't worry, I figured that she and I were both struggling with the election stress and maybe she just went dark for a bit. I get that. I understand taking the mental health break if need be. Alas, she didn't just go dark.  Upon investigation I came to understand that I had a friend in real life that I care about deeply. I would try hard to check on her and send Erik over with various...