If this 2020 taught me anything, it's that what happens in my four walls are 1001% my responsibility. I've allowed overworking and over-engaging in distractions to keep me from participating in some small way from bringing the holidays into my home. I mean we do the traditional food basics on the high-holy-holidays of Thanksgiving and such; but no decoration. No specific traditions. Something that I realize now was a gift my mother gave me as a child.
What I mean by that is, the creation of household traditions and decorating for a holiday gave this growing girl a sense of wonder. Holidays were extra special because the person I loved so much made them special. The traditions were steeped in family and home. The sense of love was so real and now reflecting on everything I and others have survived in this year, it's time for me to forge some beloved traditions of my own.
I think I didn't do this sooner because I've been silently grieving the reality that having a child or giving a child the sense of wonderment that I enjoyed so much has made me not want to put in the effort. While I very much accept that I will not be a parent in the traditional sense or even the non-traditional sense as adoption was something I would have considered in my 30s, as I head towards my late 40s my ability to keep up with a child on a caregiving level at any age is just outside of my capability at this point. So if friends want me to be an adoptive auntie, I'm game. I wasn't really into being a real auntie sadly mostly because the half-brother side of the family isn't really big into communication and working towards healing old wounds. So...I'm here, not the bet option for my friend's and their children but here for them nonetheless.
Of course, this post is not about my infertility. It's about creating a fertile ground for dreaming, love and inspiration in the four walls of my home. It's about reaching out to the friends that have truly shown their friendship to me in a year that was tougher than most for not just myself but for all of us; and being there for them and their family. It's about creating a unifying thread for my own sense of self, my own sense of family and my own family of choice. It's about developing things that are fond memories and creating something in the minds of the people who know me that are traces of the legacy that I will someday leave behind me.
So with that...look forward to a journey in 2021 that will incorporate some of the ideas I've had for truly developing new traditions for myself and my family which include my fur-babies. The ideas have been seeds this year for me and as I set my intentions for the new year, I hope to see these ideas germinate into something beautiful and inclusive. Hopefully these will be things I can share with you either in words, photos or if you are near me in person. Because this year...we were forced by a relentless disease to keep physically apart, my hope is that some traditions in the new year will include the fondness of in-person fellowship.
Thank you 2020 for all the lessons and clarity...and happy new traditions in a new year to all of you.
✌🏻❤️& 🙏🏻...Anna
(Peace, Love & Hope)
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